Embedded Excels!

A lot of people have data to represent and do this by copy-pasting an Excel graph into a PowerPoint. Not rarely does this lead to the inclusion of the entire Excel file! This might lead to sending additional / sensitive information and make the PowerPoint very large in terms of size.

Consistency

There is nothing more embarrassing than being in front of someone with a well prepared document and then finding out the figures don’t add up. Therefore it is vital to check the figures. On the slide (left vs right side / graph vs table) but also across slides and even chapters. If the viewers add up figures from different places, should they add up or is there a legit reason for them not to? Besides the consistency in figures there are other consistencies like consequently using  the same name abbreviation across slides / chapters.

Document size

PowerPoint can become very large. Usually this is solvable by compressing the images. However I have seen PowerPoints with several masters included. If you remove them all this might also significantly reduce PowerPoint file size.

Hygiene

One of the most difficult things for me personally to guard is what I call the hygiene of the file. This is not a show-stopper normally however it could be very disturbing. This includes the footnotes, titles, fonts, alignment of items and transparent shapes. If you make shapes transparent, this could lead to a very bad print quality.

To PDF or not to PDF?

If you can, I would always send a PDF. This prevents a lot of the possible errors I mentioned above. One thing it also prevents is the accidental sending of the slide notes. I would avoid using these altogether, but if you have to and forget to delete them, this can be very awkward.  A PDF solves a lot of these problems.

PowerPoint Check Cheet Sheet

Teddy and Lucky Luke, they come in pairs

The first thing that always happens at a sales pitch of a piece of software is that two people show up. The first is the better dressed of the two, the commercial guy (or lady) in nice suite etc, he is Lucky Luke. The second person is a technical person, the “teddy bear”. I have seen unshaven people wearing “Hard rock cafe” T-shirts to a 100K sales pitch…

Non and sense

This time both were well dressed, as what can be expected of a big software company. However the second thing that always happens at sales pitches is that a lot of non-sence is presented. The first 25% of the slides and thus time is spend on how good the company is and what it is they do besides the software product. THere are normally a number of slides containing endless bullits that are read from the screen (I can read….)  Make an interesting introduction related to our problem

Don’t tell me the car can drive…

All the demos I have been in tell so many obvious things. This time they demonstrated that you can zoom in on a map, that you can have personalized data. That you can calculate routs with stops along the way. This is all stuff that any piece of software can do and actually the basics that get you a spot at the table. When I buy a car I don’t want the sales men to tell me that it can drive…. Show me what your product does better then others.

Solve my problem not something else

None of the sales pitches I have been in so far have addressed the problem I had at the time. This time was no exception. Lucky Luke just started directly with what kind of problems we were bound to have without asking me or the audience about our real problems. This resulted in 1.5 of the 2 hours being lost trying to show us stuff that we don’t need nor seek. When you come in, ask my needs and then focus your pitch on it (if you can).

Some more don’ts,  come without a PowerPoint… If you dare…

Finally there were some other really basic errors. The presentation had useless graphs and schematics. and contained a competitor brand. Their demo was “the old version” and they were talking about “having new features in a few months”. At the end of the pitch “teddy bear” decided to pitch an entirely different product because there was some time left-over that had nothing to do with the audience.

Finally “Lucky Luke” started to discuss pricing with one person in the room where there were many others present as well. Personally this is something I would never do. First of all, convince me before you start talking about price. Second of all if I am not the one paying but someone else is, don’t discuss pricing with me.

Now you know a little bit why I hate big-company presentations. The notes for this post I wrote during the Pitch I described above .

In France you are allowed to drive a 125cc scooter with a car driver’s license. In other countries a vehicle like this is considered to be a motorcycle in other countries. So I decided to buy a Suzuki Burgman 125cc scooter for my commute.

Coming from the Western suburbs it takes me about 1 hour to get to work with public transportation. With the scooter however, it takes me 25-30 minutes top.

The reason for the short time is the position of the scooter on French roads. By law a scooter has to behave like a car. However in practice a totally different scene takes place on the roads around Paris…

Scooters sometimes drive up till twice the maximum speed. On top of this, scooters go in between the regular car lanes and pass by all the cars. In practice this means getting from A to B in Paris on a scooter is probably one of the fastest modes of transportation.

When driving my scooter I sometimes felt like being in the middle of a high speed car chase in an action packed movie, or an episode of 24. This feeling even becomes stronger  when a police car or ambulance would be leading the way, followed by a group of scooters and motor cycles.

Come to think of it, Jack Bauer  never drove a motor cycle, let a lone in Paris traffic. So I must be tougher than Jack Bauer…

Today we are living one year in France. It is one year ago that we packed our stuff and moved to this beautifull country.

The first days after our move were absolutely horrible! Stuff in our house was broken, our furniture was still in storage and we were very tired. However after the first weeks life started to become better and better. We understood more and more where we could find our things, and started to understand a little bit of the French we also started to become more adjusted.

Over the last year I have come to know the French a little bit and these are some things I found:

• The French are not arogant: The French I’ve met aren’t arogant and selfish. Once you start a conversation you discover they are actually very open people interested in others.
• The French do not just work 30 hours a week: The people I’ve met all work very hard and is many cases easily double the 30 hours.
• The French do not strike all the time: Opposite to what we thought I have not experienced a lot of strikes this last year. There were some but none every significant enought to really produce any problem.
• The French do love their food and cuisine.
• The French do have a lot of respect for someone trying to speak their language.
• The French do sometimes have big burocratic processes 
• The French do have a difference understanding of personal space

France is changing

The books I read on France told me that most people sympathize with the people who go on strike. However  I experienced the opposite when talking to people. The most clear signal i got on this subject was the poster I saw at the station after one of the strikes saying: “stop la greve”.
 

I am changing:

I don’t know its because of life or France. But spending a year in a country who’s language I didn’t speak upon arrival has changed me. I am more flexible and care less about details that seem trivial now. A lot of the things I used to do turned out to be culturally determined so some I’ve kept and others I’ve let go. 

You don’t need any specific skills when you move to France just flexibility, France will change the rest of you

As with most language mistakes they have to do with sex. Not that I talk about that all the time, but the French just have a lot of words that deal with the subject. Let me just share my recent mistakes with you. 

Monte

During lunch we were talking about motor bikes. One of my colleagues might buy one in the future. I wanted to ask him to show it to me (us) when he does. So I said: tu vas nous monter?. this caused a lot of laughter. Apparently the verb monter  means to mount (for example a horse) and also has a sexual meaning (to mount someone… ahum). I should have said: Tu vas nous montrer? this means: to show. 

Coulliette

Again at work. One time I wanted to tell my colleagues where I would put the key to my cabinet for emergencies. I wanted to say that I would put it in the dresser under my desk which would have been “caisson” or perhaps “buffet” (I am far from a French language expert). However I said: “Couilliette” which means I would put the key in the little testicle.

So if you are looking for my key you know where to look for it .

In any case I can assure you that I have moved it  

P.S.

As always remember that in my experience the French really appreciate any effort you make to learn French. So please do not let this post discourage you from doing so.

When I get to one of these zebra crossing without ligths I approach it as a Dutch zebra crossing. In the Netherlands pedestrians have the right of way by law. So in NL you touch the zebracrossing and cars stop (usually). However in France you have to be a little bit more persistant.

I step onto the zebra crossing. Then I make eye contact with the approaching car and kind of start crossing. Cars always stop for me somehow, much to the amazement of French people. I don know if this is the Duch way, but it works for me.So if you drive a car in the Paris area… I will be looking you in the eye!

 We opened our bottle of champagne at midnight and turned to the view of paris full expectation. Then…. NOTHING (well, almost nothing). We didn’t expect fireworks like in the Netherlands. In the Netherlands this year 65 million euro was spent on fireworks , nothing here.

Then we went back home and went out to say happy new year to your neighbors (also a custom in the Netherlands). When we knocked the door at the first house they we very surprised but we were invited in. We brought “oliebollen”  and “appelflappen” which were happily received.

However when we came in and started wishing everyone happy new year something happened. In France it is customer to give the “bisou” here which is a kiss on each cheek. We have also experienced this with social gathering where you meet people the first time.

However to our surprise men kiss eachother as well for importen events like new year’s. It is custom here to “fair le bis” amongst men here with close friends and for example next relatives. This was nothing extremely new here for me because I had seen it happen before. So I “fair la bise” with all the men present in the room. But you can imagine that to someone not accustomed to living here this is a real “new concept of a French kiss”.

All words and thus all things have a gender in French. There are masculine words that have “le” in front of it and there are feminine words that have “la” in front of it. For example, two weeks ago I discovered that a table is a lady: La table. This goes for most words ending with an e. A car by definition is also a girl: la voiture, I wonder why . When I ask French people why things are boys or girls they never really know apart from some philosophies about why a car must be a girl .

The difference in gender also shows up when talking about people. This is when it becomes difficult for a lot of people who are learning French. When I talk about someone’s car you would say his or her car depending on the owner. In French this depends on the object. So a car will always be her car, or in French: sa voiture. Or when they would talk about my wife’s newly obtained diploma: sont diploma, or his diploma. Because for some strange reason the diploma is masculine.

So when you talk about an object in French, remember: is it a boy or a girl? The owner doesn’t matter. 

The first one was recently talking to colleagues. I was looking at the grassfield in our courtyard and wanted to suggest that we play sports. So I said: Let’s play sports, I will bring the “boulon. Which means bolt / screw. “we play sports and he brings his screwdriver???”. I should have said: “ ballon” which is ball in French.

The second mistake was when talking to a lady. I always address her very formally (with “ vous”) because I think it is fun. However one day she asked me why I addressed her like this. So I said I liked to talk to her like if she was nobility. I talk to you like “un rein”. This means kidney. I like to talk to you like to kidneys. I should have said “Reine” which means to talk to her like if she was a queen.

For six weeks I had been postponing actually doing it. I had all kinds of reservations and fears. What if he becomes angry? What if he takes an entire afternoon of my work day? What if he makes a scene in the restaurant? Finally last Tuesday I gathered all my strength and courage and decided to go ask him.

At 12:00 I left the office. On my walk to his place I felt the adrenaline rising, thinking of all the possible consequences. What if this restaurant would be full of colleagues? I could become the gossip of the month. I decided to press on regardless of my fears etc and approached him.

I greeted him, shook his hand and saw how bad his skin looked etc. So I asked: Are you hungry? He looked at me strangely and said: Yes. Then I said: “Would you like to have lunch with me right now”? He looked at me even more strangely and after a couple of moments he said: “…No”, together with some comments I did not understand. I asked again and pointed at the restaurant across the street. He said no again.

There I was… standing wondering what to do. To me an invitation to a “clochard” to have a warm meal at a restaurant was an opportunity you don’t pass by. However he did. So I asked God: Why did you make me go through all this stress to ask this guy, all these worries fears etc? While you knew he was going to say no to me?. God replied: “No you know how I feel”. God invites people all the time and gets rejected. The feeling of rejection is indescribable. It is not personal but different. I have trouble to put it to words. Now I know the feeling as well. I don’t know what I will do now. Maybe I’ll be like God and… Invite the clochard again…